


Needing a minute

by Coeurire



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Bottom Dysphoria, Gender Dysphoria, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Please read notes at the beginning, Trans Peter Nureyev, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:01:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26408404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coeurire/pseuds/Coeurire
Summary: It's been a long day for Peter Nureyev, and he's left some important things in his room.
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Comments: 7
Kudos: 76





	Needing a minute

**Author's Note:**

> TLDR- Peter gets dysphoric about not having his pack-and-play or a strap-on on him when he's about to get intimate with Juno. 
> 
> this is basically just laying out dysphoria really bare so please read with caution. also, i'm not sure what my gender is so i might orphan this fic at some point, and i welcome constructive criticism.
> 
> thank you gansbee for beta reading!

And when Juno finished talking, finished apologizing, it was the perfect reunion. The sweetest reunion. They tumbled into bed, arms everywhere, kissing messy as teenagers. 

“Can I?” whispered Juno, tugging at Peter’s trousers. 

And Peter should have said yes, of course, god, please take me now, Juno, or better yet let me take  _ you  _ now. 

But he was wearing a normal packer tonight. He’d left the pack-and-play, along with his shelf of strap-ons, in his room. 

So instead, he froze and pulled away. 

Juno immediately pulled away too, which made it worse. “Um, are you okay? Did I say something? Maybe this was a little fast.” He wouldn’t stop talking, this new, soft, gentle,  _ talkative  _ Juno Steel. “Maybe I--” 

“Juno,  _ please.”  _

The detective took the hint, and shut his mouth. 

Peter sighed. “I’m not...prepared,” he said. “I have to get something from my room.” 

Juno understood, remembered from last time. And then, of course, he opened his gorgeous, sensitive, caring mouth and said the exact wrong thing.    
“Do we need it?” 

“No,” snapped Peter automatically, then regretted the snapping. He wasn’t usually this sensitive. Wasn’t  _ used  _ to being this sensitive. He’d been called every name in the book by his marks and his occasional lovers. He’d had performance issues of all kinds; it happens to everyone. Tired wrists. Lost devices. Miscommunications. 

But he wanted to be perfect for Juno. And this reminder of what felt like his imperfection was hard to take after the emotionally exhausting night they’d had. This wasn’t some woman whose ring he wanted to pilfer or some lover he’d inevitably leave on a verandah. This was disappointing  _ Juno,  _ Juno who wanted to be  _ ravished  _ by him.

He closed his eyes. Fold it away. File under--

Arms, soft arms around him and the distinct smell of perfume overwhelming his nostrils, and the gesture was so sweet it brought tears to his eyes. 

“Forgive me,” said Peter. “It’s been...a long day.”  _ And there may be some things that bother me more than I’d like to admit.  _

“You’re telling me.” Juno smoothed back Peter’s hair. “Do you want to talk about it? I’ve done enough talking tonight for the both of us, so it’s only fair.” 

Peter sighed. His first instinct was to say no or feign sleep. And for the first time in a long time, he ignored his first instinct, pushed through it, found a patch of vulnerability within him and laid it open. 

“I don’t like being without my...manhood,” he said, choosing his words carefully. “Having to go in the other room just to prepare can really do things to a gentleman’s mind. And to be entirely frank, Juno, as to your suggestion that we could avoid using it suggests to me certain acts with which I am not comfortable.” 

Juno laughed. “Sorry. I’m not used to you being this delicate with your words.” 

That was  _ rude.  _ “You’re a  _ lady,  _ but fine. I don’t like being a man without a fully functioning penis.” There. It was out in the open. Peter’s insecurity, laid bare for Juno to pick at and pick at until there was nothing left but bones. 

Juno didn’t pick. Instead, his arms tightened around Peter. 

“I’m really sorry this time,” he said. “I didn’t realize that was a point of contention for you.”

“Frankly, it usually isn’t.” Peter sighed. “It’s been a long day, Juno. And you deserve the best. And...it hurts that I can’t give it to you.” 

“I’m getting the best.” Juno kissed the top of Peter’s head. “There’s nothing you could possibly give me that I don’t already have.” 

“Thank you for saying that.” Peter didn’t fully believe it, didn’t fully understand Juno, but it was good to feel wanted nonetheless. 

“And, um.” Juno scratched the back of his head. “I know I need to hear things like this sometimes. So I want you to know that you’re a man. I see you as a man. It doesn’t matter where you keep your body. I’ve  _ seen  _ all of your body. And it’s a man’s body. It’s a good body.” 

“I--” Peter should have felt like he was being patronized. But he didn’t. He just felt nice. “Thank you, Juno.” 

He pulled away. “Look at me. I’m being so rude. I should be attending to your needs.” 

Juno held up his hands. “I don’t want you attending to anything until you’re ready.” 

“I think I’m going to go to my room,” Peter said, “and collect myself. You stay right there.”  _ Looking beautiful, _ he added mentally; it was still too soon to lavish Juno with compliments the way he wanted to. 

By the time he got back to Juno’s room, the detective was asleep. Peter crawled into bed beside him, wrapping his arms around Juno’s chest. 

“Don’t go anywhere,” he whispered.

**Author's Note:**

> discord: wrath month#2270  
> love for juno and peter: off the charts


End file.
